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Ehren Joseph Layne

Opinion – Cruise Ships

I hate pampering. To be more honest,  I abhor it. I feel zero envy towards those who are given everything; I look upon them with only disgust for their complete dependency on the work of others. To never have to clean; to never have to cook; to never have to do your own laundry; it all seems ridiculous to me – the idea of complete and utter dependency. Now,  I can’t lie, I understand the appeal of pampering from a maternal standpoint: most of us ( I would assume) were raised by parents(or a parent) who provided us with all that  we needed; we didn’t have to shop for ourselves, cook for ourselves, or even clean up our own shit. It isn’t until we’ve begun maturation (depending on your socioeconomic class, that is: the richer you are, the less you’ve had to do for yourself , the less you’ve matured,  and vice versa) that we start to feel a sense of independence. Upon maturation, our need for an overseer(our parents or parent) begins to fade, and we desire everything and anything to be done by our own hand. To this extent, I can understand where a desire for pampering comes from: a distant past where you were once treated like a baby because you were one. However, even in older age, there still is the inclination – or want – to be treated like a baby. If you’re 84 years old, senile, and geriatric, I can better wrap my head around why you’d want your “mother” back(I would too if I couldn’t clean up my own shit anymore), but even with that said, pampering still feels so, well, shitty. Take cruise ships, for example: they pamper you to death. I am yet to board a cruise ship myself(as a colored person, I feel terrible watching other colored persons do everything for a majority white cruise ship population) but am acutely aware of how cruise ships advertise themselves and how they treat their customers. Cruise ships offer scenery and a lifestyle unbecoming of most lower and middle class persons; pale blue skies, luxurious meals, bear-ass soft towels, 24/7 neo-slavery, and more. On cruise ships, the more you do nothing for yourself, the more you enjoy everything about the cruise experience. Annual cruise-goers(or whatever they call themselves: Americans) are more like products than anything: their lives are made up by industry executives all for the prospect of monetary gain. The luxury cruise line business model is to supply you with a life that makes them money: by any means necessary they will give you everything, in the hopes that you do nothing, so that they can get more of everything you need to do nothing. Nothing. Fucking nothing. How is nothing so appealing? Having someone constantly in your room, cleaning it for you, venturing close to basically wiping your ass; having someone cut your steak for you, put on your bib for you, and basically pre chew your steak au poivre. Having someone carry around your sweaty towel( which – if you believe in the transitive theory – basically means they were touching your balls), carry around your bags; carry every load in your life , breaking their backs on supporting your bad habits, your worst behaviors, and your insatiable appetite for a maternal love that has been commodified. I abhor pampering, but have an even stronger condemnation of cruise liners, for not only do they pamper to death, they make so much money off of our worst impulses.

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