Domestic Abuse, Inter Partner Violence and Domestic Violence
“Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship”. To be clear, anyone can be affected by domestic violence and it occurs in all types of relationships.
There is a common misconception that abuse will not occur or will not be as intense in non-heterosexual relationships. This is false. Abuse occurs in all types of relationships and there is no definitive profile for an abuser or survivor.
There are many different ways a relationship can be abusive:
- Emotional
- Persistent criticism, insulting the person, name calling, untrusting, monitoring one’s actions/phone and/or time, threatening one or others (family, kids, animals, themselves), isolating one from others, making the person question their sanity, controlling them, threatening to leave them, cheating, blaming them for the abuse, accusing the person of cheating, claiming they the abuser are the person’s only option
- Physical
- Causing or putting one or one’s children in physical harm
- Kicking, hitting, bitting, slapping, use of weapons, any sort of violence
- Reckless driving, leaving the person in an unfamiliar location with no way home, preventing them from taking care of their needs, forced drug use, etc.
- Refusing medical necessities
- Digital
- Demands one to send explicit pictures, sends explicit pictures to the person, controls the person’s social media and who they interact with, keeps track of the person through monitoring their media, sends the person negative or threatening messages, constant texts or calls with insistence that the person responds, sends or posts negative things about the person, monitoring the person in any way
- Sexual
- Insulting the person in a sexual way, controlling their clothing, forcing them to perform or be involved in sex acts/sex, forcing one to watch sex acts, demanding sexual activity, knowingly giving someone an STI or attempting to, using physical force, making or coercing the person to do anything they don’t want to
- Reproduction
- Breaking, refusing to use, sabotaging, or removing the contraceptive/protection, lying about birth control methods, refusing to “pull out”* (“pulling out” method=STI page), not allowing one to buy or use birth control (this can be with holding money), monitoring one’s menstrual cycle, forcing one into not using birth control or using a method they don’t want to, continually getting the person pregnant, forcing or preventing abortion, forced pregnancy or attempts, any violent acts
- Social
- Controlling who one can be friends with
- Isolating someone
- Controlling who one talks to
- Moving one away from what and who they know
- Financial
- Monitoring one’s money
- Preventing access to bank accounts
- Taking one’s paycheck
- Giving one an allowance
- Causing one to get into debt
- Preventing one from or forcing one to work
- Stealing money from one or their children’s accounts
- Refusing to pay for or contribute to payment of necessities